On Being Absorbed

My visit to Estonia and the rare feeling of not thinking about anything other than where you are.

I’ll be honest, before this trip I hadn’t given much thought to Estonia. I couldn’t have told you exactly where it was on a map, which is a shameful thing to admit but a true one. For those of you who follow me on Instagram and/or TikTok, you’ll know that I have recently had the best few days in Estonia and I went in with zero expectations.

Usually when I go on a trip, I research and find the cute spots I want to visit and make an itinerary, but this time I was going in with a true openness. I had been invited on this trip to Estonia, said yes, and didn’t do any further research. All of this turned out to be, in the end, an ideal condition for being surprised thanks to my Estonian tour guide.

I’ve been home for a few weeks now, and I keep going back to Estonia in my head. Not to any one thing in particular, but to the overarching feeling of being there. Spoiler alert: I can’t recommend it enough.

Here’s the fact that shaped the whole trip for me: fifty percent of the Estonia is covered in forest. Half of the place is trees! If you live in a big city like me, you have probably come to accept a certain low-level sensory assault. The constant noise, traffic and overcrowded streets are the baseline of daily life, so it’s always a bit of a shift to spend a few days in a place where life is simply quieter. It definitely took me a bit of time to acclimatise to Estonia and come down from the adrenaline of big city living.

Outfit linked here.

Tallinn is the capital of Estonia and one of the first things I loved about the city was that the airport is less than a 10 minute drive from the action. Usually when I travel I’m looking at a 45 to 90 minute commute from the airport. Skipping that step completely was more refreshing than I can express and that level of ease set the tone for the rest of the trip.

Tallinn’s old town is one of the best-preserved medieval quarters in Europe, which is one of those facts you smile and nod at until you’re actually there. Walking through the town centre feels less like sightseeing and more like moving through history (yes, I can be slightly nerdy about these things, but it was just so cool!).

Outfit linked here.

I went to Raeapteek in the Town Hall Square which is one of the oldest continuously working pharmacies in the world. I am a person who loves a pharmacy, so naturally I bought things I didn’t need and learned a fun fact about crocodiles in the process. Did you know that the crocodile was a symbol of a medieval pharmacy? Crocodiles symbolised the mysteriousness of the work of pharmacists. Crocodiles often go under water and come back up to breathe, which symbolises pharmacists going into rooms hidden from their customers to mix together medications.

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There was excellent food of course. I would describe it as considered without being too precious, my dream combo. A glass of rosé outside at Café Tempo on a small table in the late afternoon made me feel alive…I was in such a good mood that evening. And no trip to Tallinn would be complete without a pastry at RØST-try the famous cinnamon bun. I also really enjoyed our lunch at Sai and the dumplings at The Kurze.

The houses. I have to talk about the houses because they were really special. Wooden, old and painted in colours that had faded exactly the right amount. They were the kind of houses you look at and immediately start imagining a version of your life inside. I want to be honest and say I got a little bit obsessed. We spent whole walks with me pointing at houses as if I was really considering moving my entire life to a different country (again).

We were lucky enough to spend a couple of days at a friend's summer house on the coast in Käsmu, a small village a couple of hours from Tallinn known as the captain’s village. It sits inside a national park with both the forest and the sea at your fingertips.

The village itself is small and quiet in a way that made me feel like I'd stepped into a different year. I have not felt that unrushed on a holiday in as long as I can remember. If someone had told me before this trip that I would come home genuinely fantasising about a small wooden summer house on the coast of an Estonian national park, I would not have believed them. And yet here I am. Fantasising about it very seriously.

Being in Estonia reminded me a lot of Canada. Not in the obvious ways because it is a completely different landscape with different architecture, different culture and language, but the feeling of it felt so familiar to me. The wider streets, the clean air, the way you could ride a bike or a scooter along a road without feeling absolutely terrified. It felt safe and peaceful in a way that isn’t the norm in the life I’ve built for myself in London.

As I grow up, I’m really starting to miss that feeling. There is a particular kind of ease you grow up with, in a place like Canada that I didn’t fully appreciate until recently now that I’ve been away from it for a long time. Estonia, in some way brought those feelings to the surface. Something for me to ponder.

Outfit linked here.

I went to Estonia with people I love and that was also part of the experience for me. There is a particular kind of holiday you can only have with certain people, where nobody is checking their phone at dinner, nobody is trying to squeeze in another activity and everybody is happy to simply enjoy each other’s company. I came home thinking that this is probably how you’re meant to live…with people who are as happy to be doing nothing as you are.

And the part I keep thinking about now that I’m back at my desk is the version of me that comes out in places like this. She is the one who notices moss, who has time to notice the light coming through the trees, who points at houses and sleeps easily. In my London life, this version of me is buried under the emails and the decisions I have to make each day. I love both versions of myself, but I’m starting to wonder if the balance is off?

I don’t know when I will go back to Estonia. Soon, I hope. In the meantime, I might have to build my London world a little more deliberately.

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